Husband Needs to Clean Up His Act

Dear TinyMom,

I am having a real disagreement with my DW over laundry issues.  She keeps complaining about laundry that I leave on the floor of MY closet!  I mean, why does she care?  Besides, I don’t mind wearing dirty clothes or dressing like a schlepper, so what’s the big deal? 

Sincerely, Smelly in the City

Dear Smelly,

Even better than dressing like a schlepper, you could schlep your dirty underwear to the hamper and be one.  (I know you meant schlump, but I’m hearing a Freudian slip).  So what’s stopping you?  By teenager logic yes, it’s your closet and you should be able to keep it as you please.  But it’s not your closet in a vacuum.  The smell of your sweaty gym socks infects the whole room, and when you wear them out in public you’re hurting innocent people.  Your wife cares because she doesn’t want your fellow subway passengers handing you their spare change.

It’s possible that if you buy her a gift certificate to a high-end store or salon, she’ll feel better about her own appearance and worry less about yours.  Depositing your hot-sauce-stained shirts into the hamper, meanwhile, costs two seconds.  And it doesn’t make you less of a man, as perhaps you fear, because you compensate by bravely confronting the hamper anyway.  (That gaping hole…. it might have teeth!)  But if you just can’t change who you are, gift certificate, gift certificate, gift certificate.  I wouldn’t rely on your taste.

Sincerely, Not Holding my Breath–Just my Nose

P.S.  Thank you, DH, for submitting the first question to my new blog.  And remember:  your closet may be in the spare room, but the spare room is not your closet.